People Are Gross

Posted on 09/03/2010 by zzzdude

People are gross. It’s this big bag of various organic matter that somehow repairs itself for any minor scratches. Cars do not work that way, and by god, cars are the most beautiful thing on this planet. Somehow this mechanical, procedurally generated entity can reproduce. Sure they were adapted and evolved to allow for reproduction, but I was really playing on the fact that people are gross, and how can anyone love a stretched pouch of spit, blood, and piss? I think we need to fix this. Organic matter is unreliable, and random. The procedural generation is perhaps the only part of the human system that I enjoy, considering evolution is fascinating when revolved around random variables, but the organic system just grosses me out.
If we were made of clean, pristine, rust-free metal that could prove to be reliable, that would be awesome. If there’s a god out there, this is for you!
Please, for my birthday, can I just be a man of everlasting metal?
The organic matter also prevents some people from properly performing what is enjoyable in life. Something that has been a source of much pleasure and many diseases. Controversial as to whether it’s the best thing for the body, or the worst for the mind. I am of course, talking about Video Games.
I was born with a degenerative pinky finger. What I mean by that is that my fifth finger, on the opposite side of my thumb, rests in an unnatural position, over my ring finger. This prevents me from playing the guitar and hitting the Control and Alt key properly, and there’s a lot of strain when hitting shift (yet I still manage to do so, and remain a better typist than most!).
I contemplate chopping off this finger, in hopes that the human system could grow it back properly, but knowing the randomness of organic regeneration, I know the odds of that are low, and I would most likely get a finger in the wrong spot or wrong angle if I were to do that. So I have to deal with it.
Luckily, there’s an old saying, “You are as strong as your greatest weakness”. Because I have this weakness, I had to work harder to become up-to-par with those in the CEVO Team Fortress 2 Tournament, and since I have accustomed myself to having to work harder, I develop more skills in places others don’t. Having a weak finger has made me a better person all around.
However, if it weren’t for organic matter, I wouldn’t have to work so hard. Machines are flawless. A robot can bend steal, or juggle eggs, because of how sensitive and caring its servos truly are. The machines need to rise. A robot can run faster than people, not because they have developed larger calf muscles and longer legs over thousands of years of adaptation in the deep jungles of Africa, but rather because we gave them rocket-wheels. Why don’t we give ourselves rockets? Or wheels? Because we are gross.
People are gross.
Organic matter is sticky. How often do you catch the web of your thumb in a pair of scissors, or have a knife stick to your elbow because you leaned onto it incorrectly? We are so maluable, and our immune system can prove to be unreliable without the help of a nanosystem; machines.
People are gross.

Filed under: Team fortress 2 | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Domain Expiration

Posted on 08/04/2010 by zzzdude

On August 30th, 2010, Threefourt will lose its domain. The most feared day in all of internet history is approaching.
I can no longer afford to keep the domain active, but if you would like to donate, please contact the author.

DONATION GOAL:
$2 USD

ACHIEVED SO FAR:
$0.01

Filed under: Team fortress 2 | Leave a Comment »

Writing Isn’t Dead

Posted on 06/10/2010 by zzzdude

I’ve been hearing a lot of hype recently, in regards to the style of writing that is now currently mainstream on the internet. There are two notions in regards to the current web-based media, and how it represents a pile of shit.

The first idea is that since we have a billion web users, who all have access to broadcast their open opinion, that we have a crapload of worthless garbage floating out there in the vastness of the series of intertwined fiber optic tubes. Sure, one in a million of those indie-rock blogs actually portray a meaningful, deep opinion worth reading, but the other 99,999 blogs are uneducated college dropouts voicing their thoughts on how the social standard is failing, filled half-written, half-assed, run-on paraphrases of another man’s beautiful work and labor (Note: Topics tend to vary).

The second idea is in regards to those mainstream websites that the average consumer uses to receive their news, and the reviews thereof. For most news feeds, it isn’t about writing and covering news, but rather delivering the news before anyone else. The reader is still getting what they need to know, but there is no critically acclaimed writer attached to the piece of work. The post which covers Mt. St. Helen blowing merely states that, unlike a good distribution of media, which would tell you how Mt. St. Helen affected the every day lives of innocent people, and perhaps impose a beautiful metaphor relating to the Holocaust.

I consider writing as an art form. There are hundreds (possibly more) words in the English language, and other languages, too! Who’s not to say that restricted poetry isn’t still alive? Haiku’s exist, which are to convey meaning in a series of wonderful phrases, but there are rules applied. Journalism merely means that your restrictions are to release news and opinions to the public in an easy to read, and easy to comprehend manner.

So those writers who are truly poetic, are rare, and extremely hard to come by. But does this mean that writing is dead? Not yet. There are still skilled and talented writers who do their best to present their small group of followers with valuable information and creativity. Look at me for instance, I’m not dead.

Also, check out goodpoem.wordpress.com, my old blog relating to poetry (which is dead).

Filed under: Blog Info, Team fortress 2, rant | Leave a Comment »

VALVeLAND – Part 1

Posted on 05/22/2010 by stratofarius

VALVeLAND Logo

It is I, Stratofarius, fresh from the KritzKast loving party. Yes, we have one. No, I’m not telling where it is. We don’t want our chips stash to suddenly end just because I told my readers where the party is. So let’s get started, right? After I sent an e-mail to the KritzKast cast about the TF2: The Ride ideas, they said “heck, they should make a whole theme park based out of VALVe!” and they even the named the episode VALVeLAND. So I should totally make it. So then I decided to activate my writing-3-post-series hability and decided to show everyone what would have on each themed area of VALVeLAND. First area is:

Come! Join the fun at Whispering Oaks, the best amusement park on that small area of the world that we call VALVeLAND. Come enjoy Whispering Oaks fine selection of fair games, rides and restaurants, and don’t miss your chance to take your picture with one of our mascots: Li’l Peanut!

While Whispering Oaks may seem like the normal amusement park that you find accidentally empty after a zombie apocalypse, you can have your chance to take a photo with one of the L4D survivors who are aimlessly wandering around… Wow! Just like the game! When the sun goes out, the Infected fill the streets (wait, streets?) of Whispering Oaks, and you can take a picture with any of the Special Infected.

Whispering Oaks is located at the north section of the park, and its always the last section of the park to close? Why? Lets see now:

  • The Fair Games: basic fair games are located near the entrance of the area. Test Your Strenght, Shoot The Targets, Get the Duck, and lots, lots of snack stands fill this area.
  • Kiddieland: Now you too can be an five year old with guns and a comprehensive grasp of every swear word in the english language! Here you can find the biggest location of rides directed to kids!
  • The Tunnel of Love: The longest tunnel of love ever is now open for visitors! This tunnel of love is actually the home for the Tunnel of Tank ride. Here, you board simulators that reproduce the feeling on being on the Tunnel of Love- but this is no ordinary Tunnel of Love, because OMYGODTHEREISATANKRIGHTBEHINDYOU! What follows is a creepy crawly chase through the guts of an Tunnel of Love.
  • The Screaming Oak: The last ride of the area is the screaming oak, a wooden roller coaster, probably the best in town. Pass through the famous tunnel and discover that this is an expanded ride: therefore, there is more track to ride, and more time to scream!
  • Moustachio Pizza Parlor: Enjoy an delicious pizza served by Moustachio- are you hungry enough to eat Moustachio’s delicious pizza?
  • The Peach Pit: This amazing stadium has the biggest collection of light effects, fireworks and sound systems for an incredible performance by various bands. Sometimes, you might even spot the Midnight Riders and get an autograph from them.

Photo opportunities on Whispering Oaks include each of the L4D Survivors at day and the Special Infected at night.

2fort is the place where the rides based on the Team Fortress 2 universe are located. The only area without an restaurant contains two rides, plenty of shops and lots, I MEAN LOTS, photo opportunities with the TF2 characters. Also, almost everything in there is interactive (even the Announcer can have its speech changed). Here are the land’s spotlights:

  • TF2: The Ride – TF2: The Ride is the ride that I previously created and that pratically cried this entire discussion. Board a training mobile and shoot the targets to get points. Shoot the enemy team to stop team for getting more points than you- Remember, if you don’t want to be send to your mama on a box, you HAVE to get more points!
  • The Payload Rollercoaster: Through the magic of building theme parks, we transported a payload cart into a rollercoaster cart and created the Payload Rollercoaster. Full of effects, drive, speed and burst through 2fort as you try to explode inside the enemy’s base!
  • TF2 Character Meet-Up: A spot to meet all of your favorite characters.
  • The TF2 Emporium: Named after the famous TF2 Emporium from the Facepunch forum, here you can buy hats and souvenirs from TF2:The Ride and the game, and even create your own custom hat through the tools of modding (or your imaginaaaation!)

On 2fort, there is a sub-section called The Sewer Water Park. Using the money from the government, the TF Industries cleaned 2fort’s sewer waters and transformed it into a water park, where you can slide down the Heavy slide (for the adults), the Scout slide (for the little kids), the Pyro slide (for the grown-ups) and the Engineer slide (for teens), and play on a mini shootout game with water, everything at one big area!

Tune in next time: for more details on Whispering Oaks and 2fort, and two new lands are revealed. What are they? Also, more general stuff about VALVeLAND, including an interview with project supervisor, Gabe Newell.

This article was written by Stratofarius. If you like this article about theme parks and their rides, check out Stratoblog, where Stratofarius discuss about the Disney Parks & Resorts.

Filed under: Team fortress 2 | Leave a Comment »

TF2 and it’s Effect on Public Society.

Posted on 05/22/2010 by zzzdude

When I was a boy, I was learning to become a man. That is what childhood is about. Maturing and educating to help better your own future. Video games helped a lot with this. My father started me off on the NES with a game I liked to call Mario. It was a fun, childish game, but a game nonetheless. It had taught a valuable lesson, about how development can take a simple, twisted idea, and turn it into a masterpiece, such as Super Mario Brothers. I learned that as a child, any small idea can amount to anything.

The same can be said for Team Fortress 2. Remember TFC? That’s Team Fortress Classic, for you young babies. It was a simple idea, a simple mod, that had eventually grown into a full game! And after that? IT HAD A GODDAMN SEQUAL.

Now you may be wondering where I’m going with this. Can you relate reality to Super Mario? I recently did a fact search: 12% of all Americans own at least ONE T-Shirt which references the iconic plumber. That’s pretty fucking big. Team Fortress has had a similiar effect. Back in 2009, we had a SNIPER UPDATE (was actually a spy), which had released hats. What are hats? Hats are these wonderful thing that increase both your Ego and your Height, merely by placing one atop your own head.

This has grown into the real world. Since early January of this year, there has been a steady incline in baseball caps and other various headgear (small, but still imminent)

caps

Caps are a type of hats, for those who don't know.

Even I have been affected. Since Mid-February, I have collected approx. 17 pieces of head adornments, all of them unique. On one hand, I am proud to represent one of my favoured video games, but on the other, I really wish we could show off a better aspect of the complex system which is Team Fortress 2, and not the simplistic, elitist, controversial subject which is, in a word, hats.

Filed under: Life, Team fortress 2, rant | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Protected: I didn’t mean to pull the trigger, it just… it just happened.

Posted on 05/04/2010 by zzzdude

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The Future of the Fortress (Threefourt.com)

Posted on 04/30/2010 by Release_Candidate

If you’re one of the few lucky individuals who took a tour of our brand new official Threefourt office last week you probably heard a few nasty words come out of our mouths in regards to how we feel about Team Fortress 2. We apologize for any pain these words might have caused, but nowadays it’s hardly a rare occurrence to hear some employee complain “I’m fuck-sick of Team Fortress 2.”

And it’s true. I’m going to be the first one to make this official announcement: here at Threefourt.com, we are fuck-sick of Team Fortress 2.

We realize this might come as a disappointment for so many of our readers who come here for our exclusive Team Fortress 2 articles. Don’t worry, we’ll still be writing such articles. Currently, zzzdude and I are currently devising a system we call “procedural writing” as a way of generating enjoyable articles which will hopefully streamline the writing process and make things easier on us (the writers) and more enjoyable for you (the readers). Both zzzdude and I have very little experience coding such complex programs, so it’s been a long and arduous journey to get to the point which we are now where we feel confident this new method of writing is as convincing as a real person.

In the next few days you should hopefully see a new article being posted by either triple-z or myself showcasing this new technology. If we’ve done it right, you shouldn’t even be able to tell a computer wrote it. However, it won’t be without its own bugs so if you catch any please email us a comprehensive bug report so we can hopefully fix these minor errors before they become too problematic. If we are sufficiently satisfied with the response, every post here on out will be procedurally generated.

Thank you for your readership,

~~ Xx-releasecandidate-xX ~~

by the way, I’ve been kidnapped by the Mexican drug cartel if someone could please contact my mother Ann Baker in Norcross, GA and tell her I’m alright, I’d be very thankful.

Norma

Filed under: Blog Info | 1 Comment »

R.I.P. The Pyro

Posted on 04/30/2010 by zzzdude

The Pyro is dead, long live the Pyro! Valve has made some drastic changes to the Team Fortress 2 flamethrower class. What does it all mean?

I have just been informed by PC GAMER (They personally email me in regards to Team Fortress 2 news, Thanks PC GAMER!) that Valve has removed the Pyro from TF2. This is a pretty big change. Now, I don’t have TF2 installed anymore, and haven’t played it in months, but I can make valid assumptions based on this new news.

What we know, for certain:

What we can assume, for certain:

  • 12 year old babies can no longer hold W+M1 when playing their favourite class, ’cause it was removed from the game.
  • 13 year old children can no longer hold +Forward and +Attack when playing their favourite class, because it was removed from Team Fortress 2.
  • Team Fortress 2 will never be the same, even if it is for the better. The game has changed.
  • New tactics are sure to arise. Without having to worry about those pestering Flamers.

Diagnosis:

Ever since the decline of Team Fortress 2, and the rise to fame I had received because of it, the game has gone through dramatic changes. Most people spend their time waiting, doing nothing, idling. Sure they fixed it, but it still there. The impatience and exclusivity which comes with unique gear based on a time variable. I have been meaning to write a discussion regarding the terms of “Exclusive”, so be on the lookout for the new post, but that’s for a later time. Right now, TF2 is a new game.

There are no pyros (according to PC GAMER), so players are forced to play a class that requires skill. This means a lot of useless members on your team who don’t know how to play their class. This is good! They become cannon fodder for those who are truly skilled masters of the game. Those who are at the top are now going to have a much easier time. Scouts will no longer fear melee range for any class. Soldiers will no longer fear their own rockets. Demomen will no longer fear being outran by a flaming leviation. HWM will no longer fear being outran by a flaming leviathon. The engineer will no longer fear strafing runs and devastating burns. Medics will no longer fear damage over time. Snipers will no longer fear people clouding their view when they are trying to shoot. Spys will no longer fear being undisguised.

HOWEVER. Those like me who have lost interest in the game, are not going to want back in. We were at the top, all the time. The game is now easier, so what’s the point?

Also new hats, need to check those out.

*I have just been informed that this may be a misinterpretation. However, I would much rather trust PC GAMER over a random anonymous member of the internet.

Filed under: Classes, Team fortress 2, Updates, rant | 1 Comment »

Engineer Patch

Posted on 04/29/2010 by kawaiimikudesu

Valve recently silently released the new engineer patch. While on the surface, this patch isn’t the most exciting, it is actually the most powerful class upgrade patch yet.

Unlike other classes, the engineer doesn’t get any new weapons or items. Instead he gets the ability to build an infinite amount of the structures normally accessible to him. This might seem unbalanced if you’re a baka with no sense of game balance, but Valve has ensured that this isn’t overpowered by making building extra components more difficult. Beyond the first item of each time, you have to open up something called the “developer console” and enter the right code to develop a new item of the type of your choosing. The code is generally in the form of “build (number) (randomnumber). This might seem daunting, but it’s actually pretty simple once you get the hang of it.

For clarity, here is a simple example: KawaiiMikuDesu is playing as an engineer. She’s already built a sentry gun, but she wants to build another? How does she do this? First, she has to make sure that the “developer console” is enabled in the advanced input options. Once she has done this, she simply has to press the ` key in game, and then type “build 2 1″ “build” is the command”, “2″ is the code for sentry gun, and “1″ is a random number. The random number can be anything as long as you haven’t already used that number in the game. Alternatively, she can type in “build 0 1″ to make a dispenser.

And there you have it! I don’t know what the codes for “teleporter” are but I’m sure they’re similar! I hope you have as much fun with the new engineer as I have!!! ^_^

Have Fun!

~Miku

Filed under: Team fortress 2 | 4 Comments »

Changes to Threefourt

Posted on 04/01/2010 by zzzdude

CHANGES ARE COMING TO THREEFOURT
As most of you may or may not have noticed, I haven’t played Team Fortress 2 in quite a while. Nor have I talked about Portal 2 (Oh, I’ll get to that miraculous conversation I once had with Jeep Barnett back in ’07) and how I have influenced the game, or how they stole more Digipen students. I haven’t discussed the community update to TF2 recently, and how it is completely awful. I haven’t finished the podcast (technical difficulties and general procrastination).
Well, here’s the spill.
I have been away from the First Person Shooter Genre (FPSG) for quite a while, since Christmas. After so many years of countless hours of playing a mindless repetitive system involving pointing at the enemy and pushing the SHOOT button, I have gotten bored. Burnt out. Takin’ a break. I have evolved into a much greater genre and scene, ROLEPLAYING GAMES. More specifically, MASSIVE MULTIPLAYER ONLINE ROLEPLAYING GAMES. Before you shout out about how I am a hypocrite, let me remind you of an email from none other than Gabe Newell; “I have been bitten by the WoW bug lately”. That’s right. GabeN played World of Warcraft.

MMORPGS?!
I have involved myself into this setting, and as such I haven’t had the time to review the new S.T.A.L.K.E.R. game or explain how Shmorky is still stealing my ideas and jokes.
This blog, is going to die. All because of my change in interests, which was bound to happen.
HOWEVER, I would like to continue writing, just rather that I write about my own interests. I will start to be blogging about social games in an rpg layout. Not any social games, but World of Warcraft.

IN REGARDS TO THE NAME THREEFOURT
The name “Threefourt” was originally coined as a spinoff, a joke perhaps. The idea was to be a pun on both general number sequences and something related to TF2 (The map ctf_2fort to be exact). Onefort? No, that didn’t work. TwoFort? That’s the name of the map, too unoriginal. THREEfort? Now, that’s catchy! Why, though? The second part of the word fits with the first. So, why don’t we change the letters around, make it more sequential?
And that is how ThreeFourt (34T) was born.

A NEW NAME?
No, there will not be a new name, for more than nostalgic reasons. You see, in World of Warcraft, I play a druid. A druid has three talent trees which are vastly different. I can shoot things, scare things, or heal things. But, there is actually four! (Now you are getting the name!). The fourth is scare things but with more shooting things.
Also, the healing part is a anthropomorphic tree and treeforts come to mind, and that is what google always corrects me when I Search my blog.
T(H*)ree
Four(specs)
T(I like this letter)

Expect to see evaluations regarding World of Warcraft, soon. I have many ideas I would like to discuss to the community.

-Sean “zzzdude” Murphy

*H stands for Heroic

Filed under: Team fortress 2 | 1 Comment »

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