A Hat

Posted on 02/09/2010 by stratofarius

Demoman stayed there. Staring at it.

“Yo Demo, wha-” Scout approached him, holding a BONK can, but was quickly interrupted by Demoman who “shhh-ed” him.

“Quiet now, lad!” he said, turning his face to the thing “Can ya see the bloody thing?”

“What the…” Scout looked hard. The shape started to form. Then it became clear.

“It’s a hat.” Scout said, turning to Demoman, drinking BONK again.

“Yeh, and a lovely hat, lad!” Demoman said, smiling “And I got my sight set on catching it!”

They were staying on Goldrush for the rest of the day. It was a quiet and nice day, actually, the Administrator informed them that it was a “peace” day, so no fighting until 10AM of the next day. Demoman was hiding, crouched behind a box, looking at the hat, and Scout was next to him, drinking his RED BONK can:

“Dude. It’s just a hat!”

“Silence, ye bloody thing!” Demoman then looked back at the hat “When ye old Demo here was a small lad like ye, I couldn’t get a hat for me. And now me chance is here!”

“What if it doesn’t fits on you?”

Demoman turned his head to Scout quickly. An awkward look was on his face.

“What?”

“You know. Fit. On you.” Scout said, looking back at Demoman.

“Lad, are ye drunk? How can a hat not fit on me head?” Demoman laughed, while saying that.

“It didn’t fit on Heavy.”

“Oh yeh.”

“He went so mad that his Bean hat wouldn’t fit that he threw it in Pyro’s direction. Next thing we know, bam, Pyro’s using it.” Scout looked inside his can to see if there was anything left on it.

“Oh ho ho, that Pyro lad’s face was so good!”

“Yeah, he was so happy. You know. I never had a hat too.”

They looked at each other. Scout’s hand gripped around his pistol.

“Oh yes, lad. I never had one, too.”

“Yeah.”

Silence.

“IT’S MINE!”

Scout jumped off the balcony and ran in the hat’s direction. Demoman quickly pulled his sticky launcher and launched a sticky right in the hat. Scout stopped:

“If ye touch that hat, lad, I’ll blew ye up!”

“No way, it’s mine!”

“You’ll get that hat when ye kill me and my booty!”

Demoman jumped from the balcony, running against Scout. They started to fight, and the hat just stood there. On the base, Heavy and Medic were watching the fight:

“Ze know something, Heavy?”

“Yes, doktor?”

“It’s just a hat.”

“Yes doktor. A good and fashioned hat.”

They looked at each other and raised their guns. All over a hat.

Filed under: Team fortress 2 | 1 Comment »

Gamer Guyz? More like LAMER Guyz.

Posted on 02/08/2010 by zzzdude

I think I have developed a specific style of humour over the past few years, and I think that many people find it fascinating, entertaining, or downright lame. A lot of people decided to take this comedic style of mine and duplicate it for their own self profit. Now, I’m not pointing any fingers at anyone, but Shmorky is definitely someone who took this from me.

A while back I had written a rather controversial article which had gained quite the publicity due to the many disagreements most readers had with my thoughts. I had stated a rather educated opinion on why Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is the worst game next to Halo. I highly suggest reading the ThreeFourt reviews on the two games.

As a way to demote CoD:MW2 and show how truly pathetic the game really is, I decided to add an appropriate title, “CoD:MW2? More like Call of DOODY”. Not too long after that post I had made, I stumbled across something that appeared as if it was quoting directly from my review! I of course wrote an email to the creator of this Flash Animation, describing my concerns with the possibility of theft.

from: zzzdude
to: shmorky
date: Mon, Dec 21, 2009 at 9:36 AM
subject: I thought you were original.

Someone had linked me to “Gamer’s Guy’s”, a Christmas themed review on various products. While I found most of it entertaining, as soon as one of the two character’s had said “Modern Warfare 2″, my ears peaked. I had written a review on the game, insulting the pathetic attempt at a halo remake since halo itself. I had used the title of the article to be something so derogatory that maybe from the title alone, the developers would realize that their game is utterly awful. I had spent nearly an hour debating on which of a wide arrange of original ideas I had for a title of my article. I had finally chosen “Call of Duty:MW2? More like Call of DOODY”. In your little flash video, which I had though was filled with entertaining, jolly goodness, you had used the same joke. Now, I don’t think this was a coincidence. The character in your script had said my article nearly WORD FOR WORD. How am I sure the rest of your video clip wasn’t filled with other unoriginal content? I would like to know the truth about this. I will not take offense, because I believe in true freedom of speech, which plagiarism should not constrict, but a simple reference is always nice.
Thank you for your time,
Sean Murphy, A.K.A. threefourt A.K.A. zzzdude

The Theif of My Jokes

The Culprit

Now, I’ve had many ideas stolen in the past, even from my favourite game developer, but I take pride in the fact. To quote Robin Walker, “It’s probably just a coincidence, after all, great minds think alike!”. That is a compliment. Robin Walker called me smart. Do you have any idea what that means? It means a fucking lot. But this guy, Shmorky, appears to be finding the whole fiasco rather funny. He had taken my email, threw it up on some forum, and discussed it amongst his peers. Although that is not a problem, and does not offend me in anyway, the following Gamer Guyz did.

Gamer Guyz 8 had featured the regular stars, Gamer Paulo and Gamer Andy, both of who have a unique sense of humour. In the previous Gamer Guyz (Seven, I believe?), Gamer Paulo had either taken my work, or it was just a big coincidence. In this new Gamer Guyz however, Gamer Paulo had seemed to parody me. As I watched the episode, my ears perked once Paulo had said “M.A.G.? More like…”, and I thought he was going to recreate my infamous style of comedy (which always follows the format of “X? More Like Y!” where Y is a pun on X). This was obviously following my formula for my jokes. The following words however, were not puns on M.A.G.. I had thought at first this was just another coincidence, until they made a similiar joke, drawing closer to the obvious pun that should be in play. Eventually they pulled themselves off-topic, but never once duplicated my style of joke completely. It was an obvious PARODY.

That’s right, shmorky is making light of me now. I am going to write him another email, and I expect a reply along the lines of “Oh but I didn’t do that! Obviously my joke doesn’t follow your expert humour formula!”. I guess we will see what happens.

Filed under: Team fortress 2 | 7 Comments »

the ROUGH RIDERS are looking for MANLY guild members!

Posted on 01/25/2010 by zzzdude

We here at <THE ROUGH RIDERS>  are the manliest men known to man on the realm. So fucking hardcore we play World of Warcraft with boxing gloves on. We dry-shave our BARE CHESTS with chainsaws on cold Alaskan nights. We brush our teeth with razor blades and use motor oil as paste. We regularly rape BEARS, with our FISTS. For breakfast we have a steady diet of sheet metal and concrete bricks, and milk from our own damn mothers. We shit duct tape and piss blood. We are so manly all of our members must have facial hair, arm hair, chest hair, leg hair, and palm hair. Skinheads are welcome!

You know that ol’ chap Roosevelt? Yea, he was in this guild. But he died; it is just that intense. Are you a pussy? NO?  Good, we don’t like that kind around here. Have fun!

Account Action: Education

Offense: Extreme Sexuality/Violence
This category includes both clear and masked language which:

 * Refer to extreme and/or violent sexual acts
 * Refer to extremely violent real life actions

Details (Note - Times are listed in Greenwich Mean Time, GMT):
2010-01-24 12:53:18
Ramag: <ROUGH RIDERS> We use hammerhead sharks as masturbation aids.

2010-01-24 12:45:06
Ramag: <ROUGH RIDERS> We eat babbies for breakfast.

2010-01-24 12:44:09
Ramag: <ROUGH RIDERS> We regularly rape BEARS.

<THE ROUGH RIDERS> is a guild located in the Velen Realm of the Battlegroup Retalion in the game  World of Warcraft. If you are manly, and would like to be in our super-secret club, contact our Guildmaster Vancleave, and we will pit you against the manliest of all challenges in order to prove yourself to the manly group of men, the <ROUGH RIDERS>.

Filed under: Emails, Life, rant | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

How to Become a Contributor for ThreeFourt

Posted on 01/15/2010 by zzzdude

This is a quick and easy guide on how YOU can help the ThreeFourt team expand!

Step 1. Donate some money

Donating money is always a great way on helping anyone out, because money can buy and fix nearly anything and everything. Whether it be website maintenance, a new game to review (They are becoming more costly, and the worse the game, the more expensive!), or even just a slice of pizza so zzzdude can continue living his life in contemporary comfort, it always helps!

Step 2. Creating content for ThreeFourt

If you like doodling, modeling, mapping, or any other sort of hippy outlook considered to be art, you can easily dedicate a piece of fanart to ThreeFourt, and we will most definitely showcase it in such a way that shows your true skill. Don’t ever feel like you are not worthy to draw for us though, we accept anything and everything.

Step 3. Writing

Considered to be another form of medium to some people in college cities, writing is a surefire way to get featured in ThreeFourt’s endless spew of words. You can write fanfic, strategies, tactics, ideas, rants, you name it, you have a chance to be published under ThreeFourt’s copywright agreements, although we do have a higher standard than our other “mediums”, so expect to be reviewed by some of our writers, or not be reviewed at all if it is super unoriginal and completely bad. You gatta know what you are talkin’ about, and you gatta know when to use proper grammer, when not to use proper spelling and when to use the proper conjugation of verbs.

Step 4. Publicising

Anything to help spread the wonderful word of ThreeFourt is more than acceptable, and can earn you a place in my book. The more traffic this site gets, the better for our website administrator!

Step 5. Tell Us!

Everyone at threefourt would want to know what you did to help out! See our contact page to find everyone’s email, and see some more specific detail on contributing. Thank you!

Filed under: Blog Info, Emails, maps | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

How to earn your hat, and eat it too.

Posted on 01/15/2010 by zzzdude

Here’s the dealio. You want hats.
Here’s what I have to say. You need to play the game(don’t you dare idle, Valve knows your IP adress and MAC adress, therefore knowing where you live). You can trash all your secondary and melee weapons you get, they are useless STILL. Cept the soldiers secondary, keep those to increase your odds of getting the boots. If you get three soldier secondaries (or three normal ones and a soldier class token?), then you have a 33% chance to craft them. Otherwise, trash everything except primaries. After you have ~89 primary weapons, craft metals with them.
You then have the odds to get a hat.
Ever since I WAS RIGHT, I haven’t played much TF2. I got two hats that first week of the I WAS RIGHT update, and had deleted countless dupes. This crafting update had pulled a complete turnaround, giving us a reason to keep our items. Kind of burns me out about the whole deal. Valve should have restored items or somethin like that, but who cares about what’s fair. I just am not enthused about these things anymore.
Considering my only hats are for Spy and Sniper, I don’t often see them. I haven’t played either class much other than for getting the achievements since the I WAS RIGHT update. The old spy was so fun, but the new sniper is much better (still don’t play it much). Another big downer is that I now have a habit of deleting all my stats for TF2. I had deleted them initially after logging at least 1000 hours (evenly distributed between all the classes, save the heavy and sniper, which I had only logged about 20 hours or less each) right before the I WAS RIGHT update. I now delete my stats before playing a game of tf2, so I can see an instanced version of my stats for the game I was playing.
I was super-enthused when Steam started tracking TOTAL playtime instead of PAST TWO WEEKS playtime, back in november (around the l4d2 release). I have logged a total of nearly 600 hours of tf2 since then, but I am sure it started counting before then.
I am glad for this new feature, but I still wish there was an instanced version of tf2 stats, that show you per-game instead of total, so I don’t always end up deleting my progress. This way, I can reflect on my skills and improve at a better pace.
1600+ hours of tf2, and only two hats [dropped not earned]. HAHA!

Filed under: Team fortress 2, rant | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Information about Threefourt’s Official Ventrilo Server

Posted on 01/14/2010 by zzzdude

A lot of people have been asking me lately, “Where is the ThreeFourt Official Ventrilo Server? I really want to talk to you guys about X topic and Y events!”. Well know, we do have a ventrilo server. ThreeFourt often uses it for things such as clan TF2 matches, L4D parties, and multiplayer games that do not support VOIP. Although outside of these events, I am chilling in several vent servers with friends, such as hoclan and this other one which I will not give any information about as of today, I do monitor the flow of people joining my vent server, and often will pop-in to say HELLO!

Now, as I said before, I do use this server for things like our CEVO fpsclan matches, so it is shared with the fpsclan. They are friends of mine, and they are really nice and buy me gifts through steam so I let them use the server.

IP: 66.191.18.115
Port: 3784
Pass: None, but sometimes I will put one on, and it will probably be “andy” or “battmaker”.

Filed under: Team fortress 2 | Leave a Comment »

RIP: Good TV Characters

Posted on 01/12/2010 by zzzdude

This is a blog post dedicated to all the wonderful people who unfortunately ended up dead before the show ended.

RIP:

  • R.I.P. Charlie (From Lost)
  • R.I.P. Lawrence Kutner (From House)
  • R.I.P. The voice of Bugs Bunny (From Looney Toons)
  • R.I.P. Billy Mays (from Pitchmen)
  • R.I.P. Grant Imahara (from Mythbusters)
  • R.I.P. Crocodile Hunter (from The Steve Irwen Show)
  • R.I.P. Don Knotts (from scooby doo)
  • R.I.P. Walt (From Lost)
  • R.I.P.  Mr. Echo (From Lost)
  • R.I.P. Sirius Black (From Harry Potter)

Filed under: Team fortress 2 | 2 Comments »

Sneaky Gentlemen of Stealth

Posted on 01/12/2010 by thegreatadvice

Id like to dedicate this post to a certain backstabbing rogue.
spah
The Spy.

I really cant find anything more thrilling than sneaking into enemy’s base and murdering them when their backs are turned. There is really no sneaking game that can compare with playing as the spy. Not Metal Gear, not Splinter Cell or many hundreds of games with forced sneaking missions. Not even Assassins Creed 1/2 (Though Thief comes close at times.). Im here to discuss the finesse of playing as the spy. So listen up, Boy:

Prioritization.

The biggest skill a person playing spy can have is a quick mind and an even quicker reflex. When playing as the spy you have to analyse the battlefield on the fly, find your target(s) and strike accordingly. This is made easier since disguising shows you the health of your enemies. look at which classes are leaving the active battle-site with low health or classes that are solitary and distracted. one to two shots of your revolver and they will be down and out. See which people are giving your team the hardest time and take them out, any person who is holding back your team from advancing effectively becomes a class-one target (class-two if he has a medic, the medic is a class-one target at all times if he exists in an area). Continually analyze the playing field, and always act with surgical precision.

The little “Pea-Shooter”

The one mistake most spies make when disguised is they never have their revolver out, its more useful than they think. With it, you can fake reloads and surprise your enemies.Get a feeling for how much damage your two revolvers can do at range and attack accordingly. An example: A soldier with low health (You estimate around 20-40 HP) is running towards a med-pack and hasn’t seen you, you are slightly faraway and cannot go in for a back-stab before he takes the med-pack, but you can close the distance slightly. Solution: Close in the distance and shoot, A close range revolver shot does around 55-60 damage, shorter range does about 30-40. enough to kill a lighter than heavy class at critical health. Its also a good weapon to fall back on when you mess up.

The Knife, A.K.A: The Pig-Sticker.

The knife is the basic weapon that you all probably know by now, You know that a normal swing does as much damage as one hit of a scout bat, you know that its just as fast as the other normal melee weapons and you know that it kills instantly if it touches a person’s back (or face). Again, Dont underestimate it when it comes to close-quarters-Combat. A light class taken by surprise can be taken down in four hits of your knife, provided your are quick, reflexive and smart. you may even bait them towards hazards since a spy is in the enemies eyes a prominent and immediate threat. provided you survive you may bait them to all kinds of things, fellow teammates, a sentry or even a place where you can backstab them easily. A common mistake is to go for open areas where the other classes have an advantage.

Conclusion

I hope that with this wall of text i have helped you understand some of the finer points of playing spy. I bid you all Adieu, and watch your back for other spies.

Filed under: Spy, Team fortress 2 | Leave a Comment »

200 comments

Posted on 01/10/2010 by zzzdude

Congratulations threefourt, for this pathetic achievement!

Filed under: Team fortress 2 | 1 Comment »

What is my character?!

Posted on 01/10/2010 by zzzdude

Earlier this weekend I was playing World of Warcraft, and this is a social game. We play with people when playing this game because it is an mmo. Massive MULTIPLAYER online whatever. Now what exactly does that mean? It means there are people. This isn’t TF2. This game requires everyone to work together, on a personal level. It isn’t OH GUYS LETS JUST HOLD DOWN W+M1 SO WE CAN KILL SUM NOOBS XD, this is “I do say sir, quickly go through your rotation whilst periodically casting a heal spell or else we may all be dead!”
This is a game of skill, effort, but more importantly, interaction.

Here’s some history for you all. World of Warcraft introduced a system for managing players, called a “Group” or “Party”. Although these are pretty much useless, they also invented the “Guild”. For those who don’t know, that means “A large organization of people who are informally known to eachother; a family”. That’s right, a fucking family. We are a close knit group of players with one mission in mind; to be the best player in the game (cause that’s the goal of world of of warcraft).

After some drama within my own guild, I had decided to leave. My family had been broken up, destroyed. From 300 members down to a mere 50, I knew there was nothing left in it for me. No benefit. No high level players to run me through dungeons. Nothing.

Now that I was free from the constraints of my parents, I had to live on my own. It was a long, hard, and cold trip, but I managed to dela with it. But my time has come to find another Guild. I had joined the IRC channel from joining a guild, but I had quickly realized that people wanted a unique character in their family, not some generic hipster garbage babby who can’t even spell their own name (probably titled “D3athDealr4″). It was called upon me to write up a description of what kind of person I am.

Now while this may seem inferior to your motives, fellow reader, I have to say, that for me, it was not. After several days contemplating what my goals in life truly are, I had decided that I have no character. Why? A character is not what you see in yourself, but rather, what other people think of you. Putting on makeup everyday, dressing nicely, showering on a regular basis, had finally been proven to pay off. Sadly, I don’t do any of those, and my character is rather poor according to my friends.

So now I ask you, the reader, because I am adressing you of course, not someone else (this is a blog, ok?!), who am I? Where do I come from? When was I born? What are my motives? Why am I here? How did I get here? What am I? WHO am I?

Filed under: Life, rant | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

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