Three Fourt

There comes a time in a boy’s life where he must become a man.

At that point in his life he must choose: Halo, or Half-life?

True men choose Half-life, while the weak chose Halo.

Here’s 20 reasons why Half-life is better than Gaylo:

1. Gordon Freeman is a scientist, and that’s like totally awesome because he’s all nerdy.

2. Master Chief is a sparatan. Sorry, bro, can’t relate. Too busy eating Cheeto dust.

3. Sparatan were stolen from a movie called 300. This movie was about a bunch of shirtlBess goons sexing up ladies. Bungie made a stupid decision assosciating themselves with this horrible abomination of a movie.

4. Bungie used to make games for Macs. You know what “Macs”  is backwards, don’t you? Macs are probably the worst computer ever made by anyone ever for old ladies and men who butt love.

5. Halo has guns, which are ugly, brutish things. In Half-Life, Gordon is equiped with a crowbar. Truely an artist’s weapon. Watch as the crowbar slashes down enemies and breaks wood.

6. Gaylo is like 3 hours long or some shit. That’s the equivalent of a 1.8” penis. Half-life 2 is nearly 42 hours long!!! And none of it is shit either. It’s all fucking awesome.

7. Halo has probably some of the most generic excuses for aliens ever. You could choose to shoot the purple/blue alien with the annoying voice who bleeds yellow or the yellow/purple alien with the annoying voice who bleeds purple. Fuck me.

8. Halo doesn’t have fire.

9. Half-life revolutionized the FPS genre.

10. Halo is not nearly as interactive. Did you know that %32 of the game is cutscenes? That’s balls! Half-life has NO cutscenes ALL of it takes place in the eyes of Gordon Freeman.

11. In Halo you can carry 2 guns.

12. Halo’s physics relies off an in-house engine designed by Bungie probably while they were still making games for the Mac. As you’d expect, along with everything else about macs, it’s utter shit. Did you know Valve took the Havok engine for Half-life 2, modded the FUCK out of it and turned its badass level up by 903%?

13. Half-life 2 has a bunch of mods, so if you’re the sad fuck who didn’t enjoy Half-life 2 how it was, you can fag out on all the shitty mods you want. [check out Insurgency!]

14. Here’s a monologue of my mind while I’m playing Half-life: ” Oh wow this level design is incredible. This is some beautifull graphics, the texture detail the model accuracy. I’m floored. Oh, wow. Can I talk about the game play for a sec? Holy fuck, finished up that briliant battle with the chopper and, what’s this? A puzzle? A break between the constant fighting to lower down my battle fatigue? This is truely the best game ever” Okay, here’s a monologue of my brain while playing Halo: “DURR HURR PUSH FORWARD SHOOT LOL THAT ALIEN SED SUMTHIN FUNNY WHEN I SHOT IT”fags

15. Bungie is now owned by Microsoft. Microsoft is a terrible country ran by terrible people and you should feel bad if you like it.

16. Half-life 2 is for PC and was for PC only until it got fagged up by the Xbox market.

17. Halo’s models are all robots. In Half-life they are real people with real feelings and real emotions.

18. How original is “Master Chief.” Did you know that that’s, like, two military ranks put into one? What’s that shit, lol.

19. Airducts are probably the most incredible playing field ever featured in a videogame.

20. Half-life was made before Halo and Halo just coppied all of Valve’s ideas. They even coppied the name, Valve, that’s like an inanimate object attatched to a wall. Bungie, that’s like an inanimate object attatched to the back of a truck, or a bridge. Total copy cat. That’s gay.

Hope you all enjoyed my list.

Peace

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